Misty Mawn

transiting

I am not where I want to be right now, but it's really hard to complain.  I should be in flight to Melbourne, with just a few more hours to go, but instead I am in a fancy schmancy airport hotel in LA.  I arrived in LA just as my connecting flight was taking off, so I won't be headed to Melbourne until later this evening.  I have the whole day to unwind, which I think is a good thing after how I was feeling yesterday.  No doubt, yesterday sucked!  I was miserable all day, sulking and crying on and off until I left, unable to pull myself together for those in my presence, even after being showered with the most precious handmade gifts from my sweet little peas, knowing how excited they were to give them to me and that it was the day to celebrate me, their mom, but I was too wrapped up in my own self pity to be completely in the moment for them, and thank God they love me as they do and can overlook my flaws so easily, wish I could say the same for myself.   I wanted so much to post yesterday, wishing all of you mother's out there a lovely mother's day. I wanted to write my own mom a poem to let her know I was thinking so much about her and feeling sad that I couldn't be with her for the first time for Mother's day, how awful that felt to not be with her, even if hearing her voice calmed me, and even knowing she will be there at my house when I come home from this big adventure, I still couldn't see the big picture.  It was inevitable that I would feel this way on the day leaving, I always do, but it felt stronger this time, knowing how far I was going to be from home, even if it really makes little difference how far I would be, I know that.  I always have the heavy feeling anytime I am leaving those I love, not wanting to leave and knowing they want me to stay, trying so hard to hold on to even the littlest things, but also knowing I have to go and so very curious of what lies ahead, it's such an horrible feeling when you are right in the thick of it.  The long drive in the pouring rain to the airport didn't help soothe my feelings, and saying goodbye to Kevin made me feel like that girl in high school again, when we would part and I would be left with such a heavy heart. Yep, it was a tough day, but now today that I am on my way I feel much lighter, it feels good to have a day to just be. Yes, much like an unexpected gift! I know my children are in warm and loving hands and happy about the company they are having while I am away, I know I am safe and in a good place with so much to be grateful for, with much to do just here in this hotel room, I can finally add a few words to my new journal, and I can feel the excitement starting to settle in....I can hardly believe it...I am going to Australia!  That is crazy!    This morning I was sitting at breakfast and the thought came to me, who are you? What have you done with this life of yours? It's all so crazy, it really is... me, eating a beautiful breakfast of "freshly picked berries" and a side of toast, alone in L.A. at a over priced restaurant ($30 for breakfast..fruit, toast, & coffee...holy $#@!), on my way to a land so new to me, so far from here...to teach art?! Never, ever would I have guessed that I could do something like this and here I am. I guess there is a lot to say about doing what you really love to do and I really love creating, sharing, traveling, meeting new friends, seeing life from a different angle, and being here in this crazy world in which we live. I really do! So, I am going to go for now, as I have an unexpected dinner date with Shari this evening and have lots to do before then, the next time you will hear from me I am sure I will have many stories to share. I share with you today a few recent favorite photos of mine...I wish you all a very wonderful week, thank you for being here.

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe."   ~  Anatole France

good morning beautiful

Today  ~ by Billy Collins

If ever there were a spring day so perfect,  so uplifted by a warm intermittent breeze

that made you want to throw open all the windows in the house

and unlatch the door to the canary's cage, indeed, rip the little door from its jamb,

a day when the cool brick paths and the garden bursting with peonies

seemed so etched in sunlight that you felt like taking

a hammer to the glass paperweight on the living room end table,

releasing the inhabitants from their snow-covered cottage

so they could walk out  holding hands and squinting

into this larger dome of blue and white,

          well, today is just that kind of day.

"every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures." ~ Henry Ward Beecher

This morning was such a beautiful morning, after a whole night of rain and thunderstorms...it was just too beautiful to not drive around a few back roads and try to capture the mist and fog lifting off the gorgeous green mountains.  If only there was such a camera that could capture the five senses...this would have been the perfect time to use it...  okay, it's really time for me to pack.. xo

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about"

my beautiful, beautiful boy...happy sigh....

life is blooming

Thank goodness tomorrow in the blog world isn't the same as tomorrow in real life.....being that I did say that I was going to post again tomorrow and that was....um, five days ago.  well, I did have good intentions, but...

anyhow, life here has been very busy, way too dramatic, and always interesting. I will spare you the details for now...maybe... I leave in just a few days for the wonderful world of Oz.... oh-my-god, just thinking about it makes my stomach somersault, it feels unreal and most likely will until I am back home again and can digest everything.  I have a gamut of feelings when it comes to this trip, from fearful to fearless and everything in-between... oh, how I wish someone was going with me, to calm my nerves, to keep me company when that long plane ride takes flight, but if I think of it as a journey, as time to reflect on this life, time to read the stack of books I have planned to take with me, watch movies, write an article that is due by June 1st, listen to my music, recall memories that have been pushed aside from being so busy, write & draw in my new journal, sleep, and just be...it doesn't sound so bad...even though I have been told I can do ALL of those things and still not be there yet..... more somersaults.   

I love, love, love this photo of my boy!  He was SO thrilled to find these sweet little wild flowers under a tree...he picked just what you see in his hand and gave them to his nature tour guide while on a little Field trip last week.  We were both silenced when she scolded him in front of his whole class, telling everyone never-ever pick the flowers.....what???? Personally, I think life it just too short not to the pick flowers...wild or not.   The worst part is she made him throw them down on the ground.... sigh. 

Well, I do hope to post again...just to say "see you soon" ...especially those of you who are 22 long hours in a plane ride away...  ;-)

okay...so NOW how about some art???  .... first my table, no wonder I moved outside to paint.   

may day

~  note to self:  if you don't want an honest opinion don't ask for it...the truth isn't all that great after all!   ~ note to reader: most of this post is missing....it was deleted by myself after asking Kevin to read it...and hearing "haven't you already posted that post before".  sheesh!  and who says I take things way too personally?! ha! moi? sigh. I know, it's true, but what can I do? Wait, don't answer that...  ;-)

Anyhow, as I was not saying...to celebrate the first day of May we took the long way home from school today and picked buttercup after buttercup, carrying with us more than our share, it was hard to say no to any of the sweet & darling buttercups and the hillside still looked untouched.  On our way home we always look for bunnies in the yard of the bunny house, today we didn't see any at first, but the lady that lives there was checking her mail, immediately Jade started a conversation with her about how we always hope to see the bunnies outside in her yard, soon we were in her house petting one of the nine baby bunnies that are going to be up for adoption.... all I have heard tonight is please, daddy...pleaseeeeeeee, can we get a bunny, maybe two?

How did you celebrate this day, the first one of May? 

Tomorrow I am going to finally post some of my latest work....it's been awhile. 

A few things I am loving so much today....toasted rice tea, this song by she & him, these self portraits, and little handfuls of buttercups.   Good News...my laptop came home today, and it works after months of hibernating!...yay!

there is only so much one day can hold...

A Color of the sky

by Tony Hoagland

Windy today and I feel less than brilliant,

driving over the hills from work.

There are the dark parts on the road

                     when you pass through clumps of wood

and the bright spots where you have a view of the ocean,

but that doesn’t make the road an allegory.

I should call Marie and apologize

for being so boring at dinner last night,

but can I really promise not to be that way again?

And anyway, I’d rather watch the trees, tossing

in what certainly looks like sexual arousal.

Otherwise it’s spring, and everything looks frail;

the sky is baby blue, and the just-unfurling leaves

are full of infant chlorophyll,

the very tint of inexperience.

Last summer’s song is making a comeback on the radio,

and on the highway overpass,

the only metaphysical vandal in America has written

MEMORY LOVES TIME

in big black spraypaint letters,

which makes us wonder if Time loves Memory back.

Last night I dreamed of X again.

She’s like a stain on my subconscious sheets.

Years ago she penetrated me

but though I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed,

I never got her out,

but now I’m glad.

What I thought was an end turned out to be a middle.

What I thought was a brick wall turned out to be a tunnel.

What I thought was an injustice

turned out to be a color of the sky.

Outside the youth center, between the liquor store

and the police station,

a little dogwood tree is losing its mind;

overflowing with blossomfoam,

like a sudsy mug of beer;

like a bride ripping off her clothes,

dropping snow white petals to the ground in clouds,

so Nature’s wastefulness seems quietly obscene.

It’s been doing that all week:

making beauty,

and throwing it away,

and making more.

dis·tract·ed

distracted by distractions.  that is me this week.  I cannot seem to focus at all.  no matter how much I try I cannot fo·cus , focus, FOCUS.    what a strange word that is...focus...and say it a few times in a row and it sounds really funny.  see?  feeling a little bit frustrated at this point.  I have been home for a week now and I still cannot seem to shake this jetlag, if that is even what it is... So what to do when one cannot focus?  Start at least ten projects all at once and see which can keep your attention the longest...so, there I was painting, just a few minutes ago and now here I am writing a post, after I told myself that if I am at the computer I MUST catch up on emails before anything else and my paints are still open and I think I left my cup of herbal tea somewhere.  Anyhow, just wanted to let you know what I have been up to here....making my grandma's famous macaroni salad, & a side of  fattoush to go with it, and I know they don't really go well together, but they did, painting here and there, trying to get ready for Australia, spending the evening at soccer practice (sprawled out on a blanket on the grass with 75 degree weather at 7pm, birds singing away, dandelions galore...ahhh, spring is here), sitting in the hammock, reading to Jade, and taking picture after picture... here are just a few from today...okay, back to wandering around, looking for something, anything to do...

loving this...

when it rains.....

For Jenn

I wonder where you are at this moment?
I picture you laughing with someone,
someone that adores you more than you know,
just as I did.
you were so real, even then. 
remember that time you bought that used record at flip side, maybe?
side A was men without hats, the safety dance.
we ran home, to your house, and played it over and over again,
it spun around on your vintage record player while we danced and danced all afternoon,
it was a warm day, most likely the end of May, perhaps the first day of June.
you always had the coolest things,
I wasn't envious, I loved you more than that.
I could easily impress you and make you laugh, 
you did the same for me. 
you were the closest I had to what it must feel like to have a sister.
when I came to nyc you picked me up at grand central station,
I was so nervous, fast paced people everywhere.  I felt so still.
I brought homemade samosas, we feasted over conversation,
ate dinner outside at a wonderful middle eastern place on 1st street?
you slept 'til noon, I wide awake before 9 am, quietly starred at your walls and all the attached to them,
books on foreign languages,  travel guides for Poland, stacks of cd's, and photos from a life I didn't know. 
your life couldn't have been much more different than mine.
you, stomping around Bangladesh while I was giving birth to my first child.
our mothers compared notes here and there,
sometimes I think they missed our laughter more than we did. 
does she still make her mashed potatoes taste like a fine delicacy? 
I think you will be saddened to know my mom stopped using that detergent you loved,
things sure do change, don't they?!
I think of you every birthday, wondering what you would say if I called,
would it be strange to hear your voice?  or mine?  I have lost memory of what you sound like.
would there be too much silence, awkwardness?  who would say goodbye first? 
I am too stubborn to call. 
I can see you plucking away on your String bass, while I made a cacophony with my violin. 
we were so stupid, so silly, so innocent.  so naive.  so young.   
what's it been?  it feels like lifetimes.   
      can you imagine us now, acting like we used to.   
you in your china flats.

~

While digging around looking for  photos from my past I found so many dear memories, me with a belly as huge as can be, old boyfriends, a few torn in half (why?), furry friends that have past, Kevin with long hair and then none, photos of India and Jade that are almost too hard to look at, knowing how quickly they have grown in such a short time, photos of my parents that make me wish I could be with them right now, photos of myself that make me cringe, remember the 80's?  ugh. so many photos that bring back so many feelings, just like this one of a dear friend of mine...sigh..   Today is her birthday and I am thinking of her and looking forward to our lives colliding again this summer.  Happy Birthday! xo

Asilomar

I can still recall this little memory that I have been holding on to for the past eight years, I was getting out of my car to go into a store late one afternoon, it had started to rain pretty hard, at the same time there was this young guy getting out of his car beside me.   We both looked at each other and then the rain and then he said race ya? I didn't even hesitate to think about it, I just took off for the door, as quickly as I could, in the rain.  We both made it to the door about the same time, laughing and speckled with drops of rain, where we parted without another exchange.  It's moments like this in life, even this small that make it what it is, wonderfully amazing!  There is nothing that can compare to that feeling of letting go and just doing what makes your heart laugh. These past few weeks have been full of laughter from the heart, first with Artfest and then with Asilomar. How lucky I feel to have so many new memories to hold on to for as long as I can remember.  And yet, it feels SO very good to be home again! I love this life of mine and I love where it has taken me and where it always brings me back. 

As I said in my last post, it is hard for me to come home and translate these memories into words. Sometimes it's just easier to keep them tucked away for myself later or share them with photos.  It's still so unreal to me that just one week ago I was there, barefoot on the Pacific coast, standing on the beach, starring in awe at the vast salted water before me, pinching myself!  There is something so wild and free about the pacific coast that just calms me, I know that doesn't make sense, but oh how it does!  Sunday was the very beginning of the retreat and it felt different than any other workshop I have taught at, the level of excitement was high, but there was a relaxed feel surrounding the whole event.  It was the very first time teaching that I didn't feel nervous and it was also my first time having the same class for three whole days, which meant I would actually have time to get to talk with my students, how nice! The very first day of class was wonderful and followed by two more days of teaching that were just as wonderful, with such loving and talented students. And guess what...I didn't even feel shy.  It was always a shock when 4:30 arrived so quickly and nobody, including myself was ready to leave for the day. I feel like I opened up as a teacher so much this week and feel like I am really starting to know my stuff, how great this feels!  That's not to say I am sure there won't be moments of taking a few steps back, but right now I am dancing forward!  Next stop...gulp...Australia, I still cannot believe it and won't until I am there in just a few weeks...

and so I share the rest of my time not in words, but with a few photos I took over the week in California.  ....the top photo, of the sea gull,  I LOVE it so much, look at that face, that kind hearted face, well, sort of...until the mouth opened and yelled at me, over and over ...hey  you! give me more of your bread, NOW, before I have to bring in my gang.   ....and the last photo?  ....what I come home to, joy!!!

thank you for listening to me, for accepting me, for being real with me, and for being there for me!  You all know who you are and you have changed my life for the better, what can I say, but thank you! xo

 

artfest on the run...

"I am here alone for the first time in weeks, to take up my "real" life again at last.  That is what is strange- that friends, even passionate love, are not my real life unless there is time alone in which to explore and to discover what is happening or has happened." ~ May Sarton

And so I am, back from artfest already.  It is so hard to believe that it has past.  So many months spent preparing for it, with many worries, so much excitement, and much like a really great book you just don't want it to end.   As I try to share with you all that was of last week I can feel the loss for words overwhelm me.  I really don't know where to begin or how and perhaps it's because I really have not had enough alone time yet to really unfold my feelings, or perhaps it's just that I don't know how to put what I want to say into the right words.  Artfest has a way of silencing me and you would think after my third year I would be able to tell you just what it is I am feeling, but I again, I can't. I wish so much that I could just split myself open like you would a pomegranate or maybe a pear, or any such fruit so you could see exactly what it is that I hold inside, keeping me alive and going.  seeds?  perhaps.... so many seeds that will grow into more and more fruit, seeds that came from other seeds...another analogy,  so often that is just how it makes sense for me to put into words how I am feeling, but thankfully there are pictures that also capture my feelings, but never enough...I regret that I did not take more pictures, and this is ALWAYS the case when I am so in the moment of things...which is good, but not much to show for it later, other than a full, full beaming heart.    

         As in the past Artfest feels like one big family reunion, so many familiar faces, so many people you cannot wait to see again, exchanging hug after hug, and yet somehow when you get there it feels as if no time had past.   That is just how it always feels when Nina and I meet up again.  It had been since last October since we had seen one another and although it felt like longer beforehand once we met up again it felt as if no time was lost.  We arrived to Port Townsend a day early to celebrate my birthday, arranging it so I wouldn't have to be traveling that day, so nice!     The day of my birthday was a wonderful day, spent mostly on the beach, gathering, exploring, and walking many, many, many miles, then into town to do a little birthday shopping and dinning... spoiled!  It was a lovely day followed by many more lovely days.  And again, I am at a loss for words when it comes to telling you about this time spent, but how sweet it is to have such a dear friend and friends.   I look forward to reading what Nina shares with us, knowing how she has such a way with words. It was just so nice to see everyone again, it would take me all night to list all of you that made my time at artfest what it was, so I will have to keep it with me...but thank you, all of you! xo  I taught two classes this year, both were full with the best students!  How lucky I felt to have such eager and happy students, ready to create on demand, and I know just how hard that can be.  The art work that came out of both classes was so inspiring, now if only I had taken more photos.  If you were in my class and shared your work online or have photos please let me know. I am still not so sure if I have the whole teaching thing down, or if I ever will, I can feel my shyness coming through at times when all I really want to do is burst into song and dance with joy on the tables, but I hold back and do not know why I do.  That was part of the negative comment I received back in October, that I was shy and perhaps that comment was there with me the whole time in class, sitting heavy, watching every move I made.   Something to work on? Regardless, I do love teaching, I love sharing, and I love, love, love seeing what comes of it.  I also took a really great class with Tiphoni, it was a watercolor class that was just perfect after two days of teaching.  I really loved having the whole day to just sit and paint.  And so this was another wonderful year for me at artfest! It's a magical place, there is no doubt about that! and how grateful I am for Teesha & Tracy Moore, they have changed my life and SO many others and they are the most humble souls I have ever met. 

The crazy thing is that I leave again in just a few days for Art & Soul, Asilomar.....how bittersweet.  And I knew these few days home would be tough, wanting to "be here now" as much as I possibly could be, but knowing at the same time it would be hard to be here, as my thoughts are still back at artfest and also on their way to Asilomar.  But it is good to be here, it really is.

  I leave you with a favorite quote of mine that I posted after my very first year at Artfest, here it is again...so fitting.... and a wonderful song that keeps playing over and over in my head.

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter. "
~ James Earl Jones

in a crowd of flowers

Looking at this photo I feel as if I can almost tell you just what that flower feels like, slowly and gracefully unfurling in the afternoon sunlight, as the chilly spring wind encourages it to dance along to the song of spring. Perhaps I don't have to try to convey what I think that flower feels like, maybe you can feel it, too?  Spring is such a wonderful reward after winter, when everything wakes up and comes to life, even I feel as if I am waking up and coming to life again, even though this is the first time in my life that winter wasn't five long months of waiting for spring.  Over the weekend we did get a taste of the winter we missed (or didn't miss), we drove right into winter late Thursday night, how ironic that it was the first day of spring, when we made it back home to Pennsylvania, snow, snow, and more snow.  So, yesterday afternoon I should have been packing up art supplies, writing a class description for a week long workshop in FRANCE next May *, catching up on projects, emails, etc... but how could I when the sky, the flowers, the birds were all calling us out for a picnic?  Do you know how wonderful it is to sit in the warmth of the sun as nature all around you is waking up?  I do. 

Arfest starts in just a week so this will be my last post for awhile. Not that I have been posting very often, sigh. Oh, besides, what would I write that hasn't already been said here or somewhere else? We are all just full of recycled thoughts and feelings, aren't we? Thoughts and feelings that our great aunt Millie or grandma Betty once had, but perhaps didn't so openly share? I wonder if they, too would have blogged if blogs were around then?  What would they have shared here if this was their space?  Maybe much the same, what do I know.  So, I guess I could tell you about our visit home, how the long ride is both so draining and inspiring, I could try to sort out all of the tangled thoughts in my mind and turn them into words that just maybe could inspire you or make you see something from a different perspective, I could show you photos of my dear little girl, with her new gaping smile, I could share with you my bittersweet feelings about this stage of motherhood, I could show you some of the work I have created and hope to sell at artfest, I could tell you that in just a few days I will be turning 32 and how how that really doesn't have much meaning to me, I could post a poem that resonates with me or even try to write one... I could ramble on and on, but there is a little boy in the kitchen waiting patiently for me to join him at the play table, where he has been working hard on building a train with moon sand.  So for now I will just say see you soon,  and in case I don't see ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.

* I will post more about this exciting news soon...but please feel free to email me if you have any interest at this point.   A week together in France...playing, exploring, painting, dreaming, creating, eating......imagine!   

Have you head of Alexi Murdoch?  oh my.... 

spc in hiding

...or at least how that is how it feels these past few weeks, with my plate more than full.  I have been in hiding in my studio, hands covered with shades of quinacridone, music keeping me in good company,  paintings starting to add up, supplies needing to be packed, the smell of frankincense every now and then, all with an occasional escape to the outside world.  I think last night was the turning point, finally I feel like things are starting to come together for my upcoming retreats.   It's like playing House of cards, stacking each card, one carefully after the next, trying to keep your calm as you do, hoping that you can stack those cards until the very end, when you can stand back and take a deep breathe and smile.   So far I have my house half built and it feels good to be this far.   Of course it is far more involved than stacking cards and keeping balance, but balance is very important, nonetheless!   I feel so much lighter today, knowing I am getting there, still much left to do, as always, but I can see the light in the attic in the house of cards....

On one of my escapes from the studio we watched  Into the Wild.   I read the book when it came out and was pretty moved by the whole story then, it's the kind that sticks with you, at least it was for me and the movie is much the same.  This story evokes so many feelings in me, just watching the trailer brings me to tears.  I can somehow relate it to my upcoming experience to Australia, where I have been asked to teach, something I still cannot believe, here I am months after the invitation came, only weeks before I leave, and it's still so unreal feeling.   Maybe you don't know this about me, but there was a time in my life that I was wrapped in fear.  Fear of losing anyone I loved, fear of traveling, fear of the unknown, fear of tornado's and fires, fear of what someone might think of me, fears of the most irrational kind and fears that were very common.   I would worry myself so much with these fears, always thinking the worst was going to happen, scared of what would happen to me if my fears did come true.  Somehow over time these fears started to lessen, I started to let go of the little fears first, goodbye fear of gaining a little weight, goodbye fear of saying something really stupid so that my whole face turns bright red, goodbye fear of not being as good as I know I can be.  The thing is when I started to let go of even the smallest of fears I started to feel lighter, more solid, more alive.  Then I started letting go of some of the tougher fears, goodbye fear of flying, goodbye fear of someone hurting my feelings, goodbye fear of tornado's and fires....hello world. I don't know what it was exactly that helped me to let go, perhaps it was just time, perhaps it was a whole string of things, but I do know that I would not be where I am today if I still held on to all of my fears. and yet, I still have many fears, they sneak up on me once and awhile and take my breath away, making me want to hide far away, but they don't seem to stick around as long, keeping me awake at night, and making me so overprotective of myself.   So if you would have told me five years ago that I was going to be going to Australia on a plane all by myself I would not have believed it one bit, I would have said no way, no!  I would have given that experience up due to fear, I know I would have. Imagine that! It's tough to think about what I may have given up in my past due to fear, but no looking back, right?  I am here, now and about to make a few more adventure stops on this amazing pilgrimage of my very own.  So, want to go to Australia with me?   There are still a few spaces left in my classes if you do.  {insert coy grin here}

Tomorrow we are headed back to Pennsylvania for a long weekend.  It has been since Christmas that I have been home or seen my parents, it will be so good to be home for the short visit and when I come back here it will be time to pack up again... {insert beaming grin here} ...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. "  ~ Marianne Williamson

"To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest."   ~ unknown

"Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain."  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

sum daze

Some days it's easier to say thank you world, thank you! Some days it's easier to look in the mirror than others.  Some days it's easier to laugh at everything and feel the pure happiness of life.  Some days it's easier to walk in your shoes and understand how you feel.  Some days it's easier to let go.  Some days it's easier to be open to what ever comes my way.  Some days it's easier to hear the silence.  Some days it's easier to run than it is to walk. Some days it's easier to give than it is to want.   Some days it's easy to wriggle my nose & whiskers and pretend to be a hopping bunny.  Some days it's easier to hear what is being said. Some days it's easier to love fully.  Some days it's easier to not care what anyone else thinks, but myself.  Some days it's easier to see the flowers for all that they are.  Some days it's not.  but today, today is one of those days that I see the flowers for all that they are.  Thank you world, thank you.

Still so stuck on this wonderful music.

ish wish dish

Does anyone know where I can get one?  An ish wish dish?  Oh, and just what would I wish for?  Oh, you know, world peas or local, more hours in a day, a fruitful avocado tree in my own back yard.  Like I was thinking earlier, "thoughts become things".  Just the other night at dinner my daughter was saying how she would like to start playing a sport such as baseball, all I could picture was this really hard ball being tossed her way, No.  How about joining the little runners club?  No, that doesn't interest her, Piano? not a sport! ...oh well, conversation put on hold. Until the next night when the phone rings, her friends dad asking if she would be interested in playing soccer, the team needs one more person... so there.  It's even the little things like this that keep happening here and it's starting to make me wonder.   What if thoughts really do become things?  I better keep thinking really good thoughts.  And I have been trying to, it's what I need to be doing for myself and for everyone, with all that I have going on around me, so much pulling this way and that making me want to just fall right into autopilot.  On top of working on thinking positively I have started doing yoga again, this time here, right at home.  I have been holding on to the excuse for too long that I can't focus enough to do it at home... whatever...that's crap and I know it. I found a great podcast for 20 minute sessions and this wonderful website for longer sessions.  If you are looking for home yoga there you have it.

In-between pulling my classes together for Artfest, Asilomar, and my Artistic Journey to the great land of Australia, I have just been enjoying the simple wonders of this life, soaking up my family, being outside, after school dance party with these fun songs, painting, breathing, and enjoying what is here, now.   I hope you are, too!  namaste 

Please don't take it personally that I have removed my comments, it's something I have wanted to try out.  It doesn't mean you cannot email me if you wish to write to me about something, please do. 

oh so dreary

So here we are, already the fourth day of March.  And today is a perfectly dreary day...did I just say that?  Everything outside is covered with rain, making the inside feel like the best place to be. The perfect day to stay inside and paint with a huge cat on my lap, host a little tea party, lose at uno, and cuddle up with my two little darlings.  Perfect for a Tuesday in early March. 

I wanted to say thank you, thank you for your warm wishes about my show.  It was a great afternoon at the Barn Swallow, it is such a beautiful gallery with so many wonderful artists, I really don't know how I got there....or here...but I have a strong feeling it all comes down to thoughts become things.  Thank you to those that came to the show and to all of you there in spirit! I really feel so appreciative for all of you! 

Of course the best part of the whole day was later, when we found ourselves laughing so hard and being so amazed by the performers of Cirque Du Soleil...we are still talking about it and will be for a long time.   What a fabulous show!

Stephanie shared this music with me this morning, so fitting with this rain and all that I feel I should share it, too! 

inner piece?

This weekend is the opening for my show at the Barn Swallow Gallery.  If you are in the area please do stop in.  I will be there this Saturday, from 1-3ish.  Here is one of my favorite pieces for the gallery.  Saturday is the first day of the month, reason alone to celebrate, plus a gallery opening, and four tickets to Cirque Du Soleil... March is looking good!

"The way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start.  So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."  ~ David Barry

and... I also finished the scarf I was working on. well, almost, still a few strings to weave in here, there.  Oh, it feels good to finish something...now, where did I put my list of mustdos?!

Thank you so much for your comments on my journal pages, they are all class samples for the class I am teaching at Asilomar...which will be here very soon, right after Artfest.

This song is exactly how I am feeling today. 

now, now, now

There are these days, these days when I struggle to find the here and now, these days when I feel so torn between here and there and wander from this to that, vague? yes, exactly.   It is in these days that I do have to try harder to see what a wonderful life this is, but even though I do have to try harder, I still see it and I still know it. You don't have to tell me I have a good life, you don't have to remind me that I have been blessed, you don't because I already know. That doesn't mean I do not have days where I want to hide under the covers with a pile of books that can immediately take me to far away lands that I borrow as my own just for awhile.      ~       I woke up this morning feeling relieved about a few things that have been weighing heavy, it is always a good feeling to wake up welcome the day and on a Monday....   The alarm went off and I hit the snooze, allowing me seven more minutes to snuggle up with my two little snugglebugs, both in bed with me, still so sleepy from staying up a little later than usual to watch Ratatouille.  I took the night off from the studio and watched (laughed) with them while knitting a scarf that I have not had much time to work on.  As much as I wanted and needed to get into the studio to paint, I clearly need this so much more.  Today... I think I would like to bake a chocolate cake from scratch.  How about you? What would you like to do today?

Here is a song that is guaranteed to make you feel like dancing...... 

"What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, 'This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence.  The eternal hourglass will again and Agni be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!'  Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon?  Or would you answer, 'Never have I heard anything more divine'?  ~  Friedrich Nietzsche

spc . eulb

all art is a self portrait, everything we do is a self portrait if you really think about it. how you think, what you feel, what motivates you, what does that say about you...does it define you?  how you say words and how they sound to others, which colors you like to wear or not.  your favorite foods?  where do you love to be? how old are you? how old do you feel?  what makes you happy?  sad?  what does define you? can one color define you?  what would it feel like to be chartreuse for a day?  me? no doubt about it, I am all shades of blue..light blue to dark and on some days mixed with a little yellow.

BIG news:  Check this out!   Elizabeth over at Bluepoppy has been working extra hard to pull this wonderful event into place.  I will be there, so will this lovely artist,  and,  and... I hope you can be there, too!

jump jive wail

 

It's another warm & sunny day here today, I feel good, even with everything that needs to be done..... I think I will open my studio door and work outside today,  while I play this song over and over,  my mom put it on a  cd mix she made for the kids for Valentine's day....I know all of the words already, thanks mom! 

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!  Here are a few photos & art from mine...

all about love

I hope you have a lovely day! 

Here is a sweet video I found this morning, hope you enjoy!~   I am off to the studio, where I think I will paint in only reds!   NPR has some wonderful songs to fall in love with, that is.... if you are in the mood for love?!

finding the last {blue} straw...

and using it as a whistle to keep the blues away.  see how the others are handling the blues, here.

edible inspiration

Yesterday India stayed home from school, she wasn't feeling well, so we all stayed in and enjoyed our time together. I find that whenever she is home with me I am more domestic & more devoted.  why?  I am not sure.  Perhaps I want her to see me as the very motherly type, not that I am not the motherly type, I am, but it's not always easy finding the balance of being mom/wife and self/artist.  There are days when I just want to be an artist without worrying what to make for dinner, wearing the same painted pants that I wore the day before, staying up until dawn and sleeping until afternoon,  and then there are those days when I want to make curtains from my children's old clothes, bake an award winning cake from scratch, and have a house so clean that I wouldn't mind inviting Martha Stewart over for afternoon tea. Sure, any psychotherapist would tell me exactly the reason I am this way and that, but I am not really interested in the reason. For whatever reason, I truly love having her home with me and enjoy really focusing on such household things.   On days like yesterday I find myself  feeling like what June Cleaver must have felt like, and wishing I had a pretty little dress and could bake in heels, but I can't even walk in heels, so knitted slippers will suffice. 

We spent the whole day working on little projects for valentine's day, playing, reading Owl at Home & Socks for Supper , and cooking up a feast for four.  I love how inspiration comes in so many forms, I started looking through all of my cut out recipes yesterday afternoon, looking for the perfect recipe for a hearty winter dinner, I found several, looked them over and put the book back.  Following a recipe exactly just isn't how I do things, but I do use them for inspiration, of course unless it is baking, then I try to stick to the recipe as much as possible... otherwise I end up with food for the squirrels. Like the time I tried to make my own vegan cornbread with molasses, the next day it landed in the compost, only later did we see a squirrel carrying it across the yard, at least it was eaten, I hope, and thankfully not by me. I do love cooking outside of my normal recipe box, I love how satisfying it is trying new spices, exploring new ideas, and filling the who