Misty Mawn

floating....

Here we are, living in a hotel room in the middle of.....well, it feels right about in the middle of nowhere.... I haven't been home in over a week, but it feels like months. I already miss the littlest things about feeling anchored.  I know, I know.... this is what I wanted and have talked about, but still it has been a tough few days...searching for a place to plant ourselves for awhile, in an area we are not at all familiar with, even the accents are different here and we aren't that far from home. It feels like a foreign country in some little way and I truly feel for anyone that has left a country to live in a new land.  As much as I want to bore you with the details....for now, let's skip that potty mouth talk about being stuck in an insipid hotel room, trying to entertain two little ones, on top of trying to find a house to buy, rent, or even like, and let's rewind to Artnest.   

  I will do my best to tell you about Artnest, but sometimes it just isn't possible for such things to be translated into words.  For those of you that are getting to the story late... Artnest was/is a little artist retreat at a gorgeous cabin in the mountains of Utah, where 20 some women came together for four short days to be creative, learn, share, see, eat, feel, connect with each other, and ourselves and to just be. I think it is safe to say that all of the women at the cabin felt the same sense of connectedness and gratitude for being there, we all have Julie Collings and Candice Elton to thank for going way beyond to make this a very special time in our lives, albeit short...it really will carry on.

The first night of the retreat started with a delicious dinner prepared by Julie and Candice, (you would not believe how these two sweet and kind gals thought of every little detail to make this one of the most comfortable and wonderful retreats.... they deserve a huge standing ovation, thank you)  we dined out on the deck of the log cabin, as the sun was setting, the moon rising, it was the perfect view.  Right away I could tell it was going to be an enjoyable four days, as everyone seemed so at ease and just so happy to be there.   After a good day of travel, still stuck on east coast time, and knowing I was first up to teach the next morning, I didn't make it a late night.  I woke up early the next morning and instead of being nervous like I usually am right before teaching, I felt such a rush of happiness to be there, thinking about how in the world did I land myself in Utah and better yet, to be sharing what I know with those that want to learn from me,  along with Kristin Steiner, a beautiful teacher that I just love. Kristin's class was so much fun, I look forward to showing you what I created in her class...as soon as I get a chance to finish it.  Sally Jean taught as well, but I opted to take that day as a personal day, just so I could go for a long walk, take photos, journal, paint, and really take in as much as I could while being there.

If you ever get a chance to take a retreat such as this, please, please, please do yourself the favor. Perhaps you can join in on the next Artnest.  If you have been to a retreat of any kind then most likely you know how they can change you, how you come back from them feeling so full, so alive, and new.  It makes me realize that one of the most important things in life is feeling connected, connected with myself, with my family, and with friends.  I think that everyone that went to this retreat was hoping for that feeling of belonging, little did we know it would happen so freely and all as one, not just little clicks here and there.   On the last night we all gathered around after another wonderful meal and shared story after story, it was a night I didn't want to end, just being there with new friends, laughing, crying, and sharing life together, realizing that everyone has such a beautiful story worth hearing, waiting to be told. 

There is so much more I wish to say about meeting each and every person that was at art nest.....but for now my time on the computer is slim.... Please check out   The Artnest Blog and these other lovely ladies for more....  Julie, Lisa, Cindy, Jen, Elise, Amanda, & Kate....  Thank you, all of you for your emails, your generosity, & your kindness...I feel like my family keeps getting bigger and bigger.      I will post more photos on my flickr account at some point. 

I am off to take advantage of the hotel pool. last night a guest of the hotel asked if we are on vacation...should I just laugh or throw myself on the floor and cry.......to be continued. 

Hello Goodbye...... I say hello

"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together?  I guess that wouldn't work.  Someone would leave.  Someone always leaves.  Then we would have to say good-bye.  I hate good-byes.  I know what I need.  I need more hellos."  ~ snoopy

I am off to ARTNEST for a long weekend!   Have yourself a most wonderful weekend, too! See you soon! xo

what to do with so much limbo?

I am drifting in and out of  today, wandering around and around, waiting for something to grab ahold of me and force me to focus, but I cannot seem to find anything to do just that. Last night I worked on a portrait late into the night, today I tore it to pieces, and I never do that. Feeling a little despondent, it was bound to happen, it always does....what goes up must come down.  I have this sense of longing smothering me, longing for parts of myself that I have given up or left behind, longing for people that are no longer a part of my life, longing for yesterday, when I wasn't feeling like this.  Here's where I am, thinking about the past and the future, trying hard to get out of the moment, because today I just don't feel like being in the moment. I don't feel like dealing with all that needs to be dealt with today.  I know just how Forest Gump felt when he wanted to run and keep on running.   I can remember the last time we moved I felt these same feelings, feeling in-between the now and then and just wanting to get to where I was going, wanting so much to skip all the packing & cleaning. Our house is a bit torn up, as you can imagine a house with an art studio, a full pottery studio, years of accumulating so much stuff, and two little kids, would be during a move. It feels so good to be purging and letting go of so very much, but comes with reflection of what used to be. I know these feelings I am having today will pass, they always do... I love how my friend put it perfectly this morning...."you are in such limbo".    

In a week from now I will be teaching a class in one of my favorite states, Utah, at Artnest...how lovely that will be, and two weeks from now I will be with my family,surrounded by the mountains of Virginia, looking for a new place to live, imagine that, and three weeks from now I have no idea where I will be...that is just too far to think about, but if I had to guess, I would say that I will be in a tropical paradise, eating avocados for breakfast right off the tree, sipping a lassi, and dancing the flamenco.

The big news is that my daughter is now a first grader, so hard to grasp, but I smile thinking of how much she has grown into this sweet little girl. Such a beautiful time of life, being five, do you remember?  I think my first memories are about when I was just that age. My son and I truly love having her here with us all day.  We have been having a great time, playing outside, building blanket forts, hanging out at the beach,  sharing time with friends, taking walks, and most of all.... being sillllllllllllllly. My children are the best reminders of what life is all about, they are so full of kindness, happiness, love, patience, acceptance,and forgiveness, I know that I can learn from them daily, when I keep myself open to it.

Yesterday was a  wonderful day, that could even be the reason for my quiet feelings today.  Melanie (who is having a birthday...Happy , happy birthday dear Melanie...please do wish her a wonderful day) and I made a jaunt to visit with our friend Kateri and her friend Stephanie.  It was a day filled with warm conversations over tea, delicious food, and a long walk through a most enchanting old farm that felt like a dream-land (where most of these photos were taken). Days like these are the kind you treasure forever, wishing they could last longer and be more often. When I got home and asked my son what his favorite part of his day was, he said..."when you got home"....i just melted.

Tomorrow is another day.....  "You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle.”  ~ Paulo Coelho

Thank you all so much for your kind comments about my latest work. I do hope to list it on Etsy soon. 

namaste

in the studio....

 

fly

     ... today, I feel like what I imagine a bird must feel like when she is soaring above the trees, strong and capable of traveling far and wide.  We were driving home from my daughter's field trip at the zoo feeling a little exhausted, but so alive and so happy...the skies are brilliant today,  it is cool but sunny, and Yellow was bellowing from the stereo.....so we sang  ....look at the stars, look how they shine for you  ...you know I love you so....   as we made our way home after a full fun day.  In front of me was a car with the word FLY on the license plate...  Don't you just love when life makes sense, it isn't often, so I will hold onto this feeling for as long as I can..

...love this poem by Naomi Shihab Nye, hope you do, too!

Happiness

It is difficult to know what to do with so much happiness.
With sadness there is something to rub against,
a wound to tend with lotion and cloth.
When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to pick up,
something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs or change.

But happiness floats.
It doesn't need you to hold it down.
It doesn't need anything.
Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing,
and disappears when it wants to.
You are happy either way.
Even the fact that you once lived in a peaceful tree house
and now live over a quarry of noise and dust
cannot make you unhappy.
Everything has a life of its own,
it too could wake up filled with possibilities
of coffee cake and ripe peaches,
and love even the floor which needs to be swept,
the soiled linens and scratched records…..

Since there is no place large enough
to contain so much happiness,
you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you
into everything you touch. You are not responsible.
You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit
for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,
and in that way, be known.

Your comments about blogging are wonderful, thank you so much . The community here is just what I have longed for and here it is, right at my fingertips...how lucky we all are to have such a thing, a place where we can go to find ourselves, share our lives, and inspire each other to live to the fullest! Thank you. 

and so it is....

June already?!

Well, the sweet babies in the last post have been here every night until tonight, my guess is that they are keeping tucked in, nestled together, away from the rain. Every night around 8:30 they start making their little chatter, slowly waking to the night.... ~ oh how wonderful that sounds to me, waking to the night, just imagine being fully rested with a whole night of possibilities ahead, in the quiet darkness.  I wonder what makes us a night person or a morning person...there is no doubt, I am a night owl, through and through. The other night, right after I read to my children and said my goodnights, I went outside and there they were, three of them right in our Dogwood, just sitting there, staring down at me.  I ran inside and snuck my daughter out very quietly, so not to disturb the inquisitive, sleepy little man in the next room. We made it outside and the owls were still there, you can just imagine her excitement, it was a very priceless moment for both of us..it goes without saying, one I will treasure forever ....(although the next morning when she was telling daddy about it, the sneaking out part was just as exciting as seeing the owls, can't blame her for that..it was pretty exciting, tip toeing down the stairs after bedtime to go owling). So, in just five days we have grown to love them so very much, but I am not attached, and I know they need to be on their way soon, and I guess we do, too. How beautiful it is to witness such life, right where you least expect it. It has definitely been the excitement of the neighborhood this past week.

So how am I am feeling? A little like the winged naked fairy that I have painted, filled to the brim with mixed emotions, trying to find that balance...teetering quite a bit here and there. It is a weird time of my life, I feel so ready for this change, ready for the next chapter of my life, ready for what is to come, but every once and awhile I look back at the last few chapters, put the book down and just say "damn...that's my life? Really?!"  I shake my head in awe, pick the book up again and try to look ahead at the next few chapters, but I refrain...as I know that would ruin the story......patience....  I never would have guessed this would be my life, and don't ask me what I would have guessed, because I am not one to plan things out only later to be disappointed. I try to take things as they come, the good, the bad, and yes, there is always some ugly.  I just feel like I really haven't had any control over how I got here, and yet..i did, didn't I?

So with all  these changes, all these feelings coiling and unfolding, it is hard to grasp the foremost feelings that arrive with a heavy sigh....only a few more days of kindergarten and that means that my little girl will soon be six...SIX...where is the stop time button?

I would like to close this post with a question for you.  Blogging seems to have wrapped up so many of us, into this world of reading, connecting, commenting, sharing, and meeting. For me it has been a great experience, I feel that I have really opened up through blogging, it has changed my life, but I must admit, sometimes it can be confusing...why do I blog, really?   Why do you blog or why don't you, if you are a reader, but not a blogger. What do you hope to give and/or take from blogging?  What did you do with the time you spend reading or posting before blogging?  hmmm....