today this week has been one of those days when i take the scant amount of time i have to daydream and spend it planning my escape. to somewhere schedule free, it doesn't even have to be far from here, to a large warm body of water preferably, just as long as there are no calenders to look at, no dates to think about, no projects due, and no papers to sign. and somehow i know once i get there i will wonder what in the... i was thinking, and i will miss my family, i will feel guilty, i will worry, i will want to come back home and sleep in my own bed, and sip wine out of my own favorite glass, ah, wine. no time for that even. * there is something nice about not having even time to think, i just forget what that is. i had to run into town today, unexpectedly, i made use of the trip and made an extra stop at the book store, looking for a stock of inspiration. i stood at the magazines, pulling one after another off the shelf, quickly flipping through, scanning... not finding anything, nothing, feeling heavy and empty at the same time, when one image hit me with such sadness, it was just an expression on a sculpted face, tears came to my eyes, maybe i am a little over emotional, but in that moment i stopped and felt reminded of the feeling of being alive, happy to be standing there, feeling stretched as thin as taffy, but happy, nonetheless to be able to bend and not break.
there will be more days & weeks like this, i know. thankfully i have a handful of some of the most supportive cheerleaders that keep me going (thank you) and these tunes by Taken by Trees to keep me singing.
* this all takes me back to one of my most favorite books as a child, "If I lived alone" about a girl who dreams of living alone, where it's not so noisy and crowded, where she can stay up all night, eat ice cream for breakfast and dinner, and never take a bath... but (there it is) if she lived alone, who would help mom with her sculptures, who would read to her, who would help dad with his garden, and who would kiss and hug her goodnight at bedtime?